The 2009 guide to being a xmas temp.

So, it’s reaching that point of the year again (yep…i’m that fucking original. Watch as I now copy the next three words as well, before going into this weeks topic). That point where (see!) retail goes round hiring temp staff to cover the busy period of the retail calendar - Christmas. These new members of staff could be in it just for some extra cash to buy presents. They could be looking for the experience. Sometimes, they use it as a way into getting a long-term part-time job with the company. If you fit into the latter category, then this week I can help!

You see, it’s all about how you sell yourself over the next couple of months. Think of it as a really long interview process – the manager just wants to make sure he/she hires someone who can handle the concept of money. I’m going to be dealing with game retail in particular, mainly because that’s my only experience with hiring. Follow these guidelines, and the job in January is YOURS!

In the interview:

1. Laugh at EVERYTHING the manager says. Manager – “I don’t really play games myself…and I’M THE MANAGER OF A GAME STORE!” You – “HAHAHAHA”. Practice this in front of a mirror.
2. When asked what type of games you like playing, say “the same as you”. The manager will look puzzled, but only because of how brilliant a response that is.
3. At the end of the interview, the manager will ask “Any other questions?” You respond with “Nope. Just give me the job as i’m obviously the best candidate.”

On your first day:

1. DON’T let your first words to the current staff be “Be careful of me. I might end up with your job.” Everyone will think you’re a cock.
2. Seem really interested with the training, especially the video about how to lift heavy boxes. Remember: bend your knees, not your back.
3. If you get stuck with how to do something, it’s best not to let anyone know. You don’t want to look a noob……. or do you?

General tips:

1. Don’t give customers hardware to hold in the queue. They might just FUCKING RUN AWAY WITH IT, YOU PLEB!
2. Think of the normal members of staff as your superiors.
3. It’s probably for the best that you turn up to your shifts. Call me old-fashioned…
4. If someone asks your opinion on a game you’ve never played before, just lie. Seriously. Don’t pass them off to someone else – that might annoy them. Just make it up. The customer will leave quicker that way.
5. Spend all the money you earn in the place you work. This will impress management.
6. More than likely, you will have competition among your fellow temps. Get rid of them as quickly as possible. TAKE THEM DOWN.
7. Don’t steal. Stealing is bad.

At the end:

1. Tell the manager how brilliant you were over the period. They will hopefully agree.
2. Buy them a gift. Anything over £20.

…and BINGO!  Follow the above steps and you WILL* have that job you wanted. (*might)

ALSO THIS WEEK!

Forget the stuff you might have read. Forget the name. Forget the publishers. Forget any videos you might have seen. DJ Hero MUST been tried out. Almost as fun as Rock Band, and certainly offers more in terms of single player. The mixes are of top quality as well. That’s about all the gaming this week for me. Oh…and Wii Fit Plus has some good new games. Not played enough yet to fully judge it. Can’t complain for £20 though.